gainesville

i hate this place

day off weather

i don't like having days off from work anymore. they usually just suck. not that going to work is any better, but if my day is going to suck anyway, i'd much rather get paid for it. most of the time what will happen is this. i'll work 4 or 5 days in a row, and every one of those days i'll go to work and it will be the most beautiful day ever. we're talking, beach weather, spend the day at the park weather, just lay out in a hammock weather. you get the idea, beautiful days. then, i'll wake up on my day off and it'll be horrible out. thunderstorms, cloudy as hell but no rain, drizzling slightly but it wont stop for the entire day. that type of thing. but its not always that way. sometimes, today for instance theres a whole different issue. i wake up and it seems like its an absolutely beautiful day. so what's the problem, you ask? i woke up with what i call "the funk." "the funk" for those who don't know, might be described as depression. but its not quite that bad. its like a couple of levels before depression. i just feel kinda bummed. its not totally horrible, i know i'll be over this crap probably by the end of the day, at the worst by tomorrow. it just sucks that i can't ever have a day off where i wake up and the weather is nice and i can actually enjoy it. but i guess that's part of why i'm moving. i'll be working more, which means less time to think about crap and be in "the funk." also, it means less time for crap to happen, so less crap to even think about. i'm hoping that having family around will squash some of the funkiness too.

speak english

ok, there is something seriously wrong with colleges in this country. i went to gator growl last year and i seem to remember when the senior football players were up on stage and a few of them got to speak to the crowd. something happened in my mind that night that really pissed me off. i had since forgotten about it. but a very similar thing just happened this past saturday. it was day 1 of the nfl draft. if i remember correctly, it was the fifth overall pick. tampa picked carnell "cadillac" williams from auburn. a decent pick. he is definitely one of the better rb's in the draft. he was there, at the draft, so they interviewed him. which means that he opened his freaking mouth and spoke! now, here is the question that i asked myself at growl last year and asked myself again when this guy spoke on saturday...
HOW THE FREAK DO THESE PEOPLE GRADUATE FROM MAJOR UNIVERSITIES IN THIS COUNTRY???!!!???!!!???!!!
i took classes at the university of florida. i kinda got the impression that you had to have some sort of intelligence to pass classes. when i see these guys that GRADUATED from college and are about to go make millions of dollars in the pros, it makes me completely sick to hear the absolute garbage that spews out of their mouths. i understand that the only reason they go to college is to play football so that one day they will go pro, but seriously, if you're going to be in college for four years anyway, and you're going to get a degree anyway, and you're going into a career where you're going to be on camera with a microphone in your face all the time for the entire nation/world to see (and hear!)....why not make it worth the time and at the very least take a class that will teach you how to speak! damn, just do an interview and sound like an intelligent educated person, which you should be if you have a freaking degree from a major university. ok, i've rambled about this crap long enough. i'm just really aggravated and annoyed that i have to listen to these "educated" men sound like the most ignorant pieces of garbage that i've ever heard!

april 22

in about 40 minutes, it will be april 22. this is a day that i have referred to in the past as my "half birthday" which means that it is exactly 6 months from my birthday (in either direction if you're not good with math). so, i will be 24.5 years old. ugh. for some reason, i'm not getting any younger. why does it work that way? how come i'm getting older and older? every day, a little bit older.
***holy crap! i just got up to get a drink. i choked on my drink and almost died!!! ok, maybe i didn't actually almost "die" but i coughed for like 2 whole minutes, it was horrible. i think that's what death would feel like***
so i was thinking a bit ago about when i was much much much younger and what i thought my life would be like when i got older. i remember i used to think i would get married when i was like 20, probably because my parents got married at 19 so that's what i knew. now, i'd be glad to be married by the time i'm 40. actually, that's not true. i pretty much hate women at the moment and can't even think about marrying any one of them. but i digress.
i don't want to keep getting older. in 6 months i will be 25, which means that i will be 30 in 5.5 years! that's not that long at all. thats less than the amount of time that i've been in gainesville and that hasn't been long at all. i'm supposed to be like completely settled by the time i'm 30. awesome wife, house, children (at least the possibility of children very very soon at that point -- i mean, i don't want to be one of those really old dads), very secure job, good car, etc... am i gonna be able to put all of that together in 5.5 years? i guess we shall see.

moving

i am moving. why, you ask? well, after insane amounts of time wasted thinking and agonizing about where i am actually headed and what i'm going to do with my life i realized (remembered maybe) something. when i moved to gainesville, i didn't intend on making my life in gainesville. the plan for gainesville was to go to college and then move. i didn't necessarily have a plan for where i was going to move but i knew right away when i moved here that this was not the place for me. sure, lots of things happened since then and for a while there, i thought that i could possibly make my life here. but now, the more i think about it, the less sense it makes. at the moment, and for some time now, i'm just very dissatisfied with my life here. i don't know, i guess i've just never really felt "at home" here. even the times when i thought i could just stay here, it just never felt quite right. anyway, i've pretty much lost my train of thought now so good luck to me and goodbye gainesville, in 3 months anyway

more wasting

i spent all day today (wasting time) thinking "i'm totally gonna write this tonight." well, i did that about like 4 different things today and i had good ideas about what i felt like writing. unfortunately i was at work all day so i couldn't write there which means that all my wonderful ideas for writing had to wait until i got home. once i got home, i didn't feel like writing about anything. so i'm writing about not wanting to write about anything after spending all day thinking about things to write about.

ALL guys

does it make women feel better to say "ALL guys....." because, seriously, unless you're saying, "ALL guys...have a penis" you're dead freaking wrong. no, not ALL guys just want sex. not ALL guys will say "you're so beautiful" to try to get you into bed. there are some guys who really are decent people. there are some of us, who would much rather get to know a girl and develop a meaningful friendship then just try to say whatever we can to get her to take her pants off. some of us will say "you're so beautiful" just because we think you're so beautiful. some of us will say "i love you" because we actually do. i'm tired of being put into this category of ALL guys that do things that i can't even think about doing because of how wrong i think they are. and i'm tired of this whole crap about how guys don't have feelings. dammit, i do. maybe that makes me different and i'm ok with that, but don't screw me over and think that its ok because i don't have feelings anyway. alright, that's enough of that waste of time rant.

what i like

you wanna know what i like? i like honesty. i don't mean just not lying, i mean complete honesty. whether its a good thing, or a bad thing. i just want to know the truth. i'd much rather hear a bad thing straight up and right away then have to hear about it much later after i spent time believing something else. this whole excuse people like to give, "i didn't want to hurt your feelings" is complete garbage. if you don't want to hurt my feelings then tell me the truth, the complete truth. it hurts a whole lot more to find out that you're being lied to, or that certain truths are being kept from you. i absolutely love people who i know are being honest with me. i love talking to somebody and then not having to waste my time and energy later wondering and worrying about what parts of what they told me are complete crap, what parts are partial crap and what parts are actually true. i hate feeling like a fool because i believe people when they tell me things. i hate that i have to consider not trusting people. i hate the fact that i feel like i don't want to be honest with people because of the way they treat me. i like honesty. that's what i like.

first post

here is the first post...i've got nothing to say, so there