some new ideas
i just wanted to get some thoughts i'm working on written down. so here they are, in a very crude form...hopefully i'll be able to get my shit together and eventually write something about these that resembles intelligent coherent thoughts...
#1 my worst fear, a VERY REAL fear...losing my mind, literally going crazy...my brain is ALWAYS working, i'm ALWAYS thinking about something (multiple things simultaneously, usually)...a lot of times i'm only half asleep cuz i'm thinking about things...fortunately i've been able to keep it all under control and basically, for lack of a better way to put it, categorize my thoughts and keep everything understandable and even when i'm jumping from one thought to another, i'm able to keep myself sane...i fear that i will lose the ability to keep my thoughts in line, that one day i'll end up staring at a wall with a million thoughts in my mind, none of which have anything to do with any other one and i'll not be capable of organizing any of it
#2 dreams, i'm always thinking about something when it comes to dreams...we'll thank august for that since he introduced me to the movie Waking Life (if you haven't seen it, SEE IT!!! and on that note, also see A Scanner Darkly by the same director)...but anyway, most recently my dream thoughts have revolved around how much they actually exist, if that makes sense...for instance, i'm having memories of dreams...vivid memories...so vivid that they could've actually happened, but i know that it's a dream that i'm remembering...the problem is, i've lost any perception of time when it comes to my dreams...well, dreams aren't controlled by time like real life anyway, BUT now i can't remember when i dreamed something....lets say i woke up this morning thinking about a dream, i have no idea whether i just dreamed that or if i'm remembering a dream i had 3 months ago...and now its got me so confused that i have a dream that i think was a recurring dream in my childhood, but now i'm thinking it was a more recent dream and for whatever reason i'm making up the fact that it was a dream from years ago....and right now writing this i'm thinking its possible that i had one dream in which i was thinking about a recurring dream from my childhood...ugh, that's too much....
#1 my worst fear, a VERY REAL fear...losing my mind, literally going crazy...my brain is ALWAYS working, i'm ALWAYS thinking about something (multiple things simultaneously, usually)...a lot of times i'm only half asleep cuz i'm thinking about things...fortunately i've been able to keep it all under control and basically, for lack of a better way to put it, categorize my thoughts and keep everything understandable and even when i'm jumping from one thought to another, i'm able to keep myself sane...i fear that i will lose the ability to keep my thoughts in line, that one day i'll end up staring at a wall with a million thoughts in my mind, none of which have anything to do with any other one and i'll not be capable of organizing any of it
#2 dreams, i'm always thinking about something when it comes to dreams...we'll thank august for that since he introduced me to the movie Waking Life (if you haven't seen it, SEE IT!!! and on that note, also see A Scanner Darkly by the same director)...but anyway, most recently my dream thoughts have revolved around how much they actually exist, if that makes sense...for instance, i'm having memories of dreams...vivid memories...so vivid that they could've actually happened, but i know that it's a dream that i'm remembering...the problem is, i've lost any perception of time when it comes to my dreams...well, dreams aren't controlled by time like real life anyway, BUT now i can't remember when i dreamed something....lets say i woke up this morning thinking about a dream, i have no idea whether i just dreamed that or if i'm remembering a dream i had 3 months ago...and now its got me so confused that i have a dream that i think was a recurring dream in my childhood, but now i'm thinking it was a more recent dream and for whatever reason i'm making up the fact that it was a dream from years ago....and right now writing this i'm thinking its possible that i had one dream in which i was thinking about a recurring dream from my childhood...ugh, that's too much....
posted by los at 7:18 PM
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