disconnect

i think i'm gonna disconnect from the world again. i've done this before and while it is fairly lonely i'm pretty sure that my life is damn lonely anyway. the only difference really is that i don't call anybody and don't have to deal with wondering if people ever actually wanna hang with me or if when they do its only cuz they have nothing better to do. although, i guess that's not that bad anyway but whatever. alright, i do kinda feel bad when i disconnect because i assume that i have at least one friend out there that would like to know what's going on with me. so for that person, i feel bad. but i don't rule out the possibility that that one person doesn't actually exist (outside of my family, but my family doesn't get cut off). actually, for the most part, i actually don't believe that person exists. so when i disconnect, i disconnect from people who sorta like me, but their lives aren't very much affected by my presence (or lack of). i'm just so tired of making an effort with people who wont. everybody who knows me knows that i'm more emotional than all men (and most women). but they should also know that as long as they're honest with me from the start, we wont have any problem. this is where the problem is, and it seems like every blog that has to do with how i'm actually feeling is going to deal with this.....why the fuck aren't people honest? its really not that difficult to just tell someone the truth. this is why i disconnect. this is why i feel the need to not talk to anybody for a while. i absolutely HATE being lied to. i HATE the feeling of not knowing whether what someone just told me is 100% true, mostly true, a little true, or straight bullshit. anyway, i don't know what else i can say that i haven't already said lots of times. i just want people to show me the respect that i show them. "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is that how it goes? cuz in my life it seems more like, "it doesn't matter what you do unto others cuz they're always gonna treat you like shit" last comment, just to clarify -- i am definitely going to disconnect, i just haven't decided when i'm going to do it. i guess it'll be a surprise. but when i do, it will be until july 11 (yes, there's a reason why i chose that date)

disclaimer: i know there's a few of you out there that really love me and what not. clearly my bitter comments aren't meant for you.